For most of my life, I really thought I understood boundaries.

To me, having good boundaries meant not allowing people to take advantage of my good nature. But I'm beginning to realise that even my understanding of being "helpful" was more complicated than I thought.

Growing up, I had this need to be seen as helpful, and that clearly continued into adulthood.

Being useful - doing things for people, solving problems, stepping in, physically helping, rearranging my life to accommodate someone else's needs - had somehow become tangled up with my sense of self-worth. Being capable and helpful made me feel valuable.

I understood boundaries as something that protected me from people who might take advantage of that willingness to help, but I didn't apply those same boundaries to my family in fact I don’t think I applied them to anyone at all really.

And I certainly didn't think to apply them to myself.

Since my AuDHD diagnosis and, particularly, during this latest period of autistic burnout, I have been thinking and learning a lot about capacity. I'm starting to understand that boundaries and capacity are far more intertwined than I ever realised.