I'm not a broken horse - I'm a Zebra

At 61, I finally got an official autism diagnosis. After decades of navigating ADHD, Giftedness, childhood trauma, anxiety, and that constant feeling of not quite fitting in, I discovered that ADHD, Giftedness, and Autism CAN coexist. I had spent years running support groups for ADHD and Autism, but it wasn’t until recent research made it clear that they can be diagnosed together that everything started to click into place.
Looking back, it’s clear to me now how much of my life was spent in pain, without even really knowing why. As a young adult, I became obsessed with psychology, past life therapy, life coaching, and Motivational Kinesiology... I was trying to understand people and myself, but something always felt like it was missing. I thought I was broken, and I spent so much energy covering it up, masking, overcompensating, and trying to fit into a world that never seemed to make sense to me.
But why now, after all these years, you might ask? Well, it took a while for me to find the courage to b e assessed and finally seek a diagnosis. But when I did, everything began to fall into place. And the best part is the weight lifted from my shoulders: I can now say with confidence  that I’m not a “broken horse,” (to borrow a well known cliche)  I’m a zebra. I’m wired differently, and I can now start to be proud of everything I’ve ever achieved. For so long, I have felt like the odd one out, constantly out of sync with everyone around me. But learning that I’m autistic was a revelation. It felt like finding my tribe, discovering that I wasn’t quite the misfit I always thought I was.
I’m so grateful for my autism diagnosis, even though it came later in life, but I’m also incredibly grateful that I was diagnosed with ADHD 30 years ago, as it allowed me to guide my children, who are both ADHD, and offer support to other neurodivergent people during those years. That said, not recognising my own autism for so long does leave me with a sense of grief, that I didn't expect, for the "missed" life, opportunities, and experiences that could have been different if I had understood myself sooner.
Living with AuDHD, Giftedness, and dysgraphia in a neurotypical world isn’t ever going to be easy though. We unfortunately live in a society where our differences are often viewed as a “disorder” that needs to be fixed or hidden away. So being AuDHD is still going be tough, sometimes painful, and for those of us who didn’t know we were autistic until later in life, it can be especially isolating. After all, we have spent years feeling like we were missing something fundamental, like everyone else was part of a Circle we never got invited to join or never wanted to join. It’s hard not to feel like an outsider.
For me, finding the autistic and especially the AuDHD community has been a healing journey. It reminds me that even though my brain is complex, lonely, and exhausting at times, there are others out there with similar brains. This connection is what I’ve longed for—people who understand what it’s like to feel like you don’t quite belong, but who also understand that your divergence from the “norm” is not a flaw, but a different way of existing. Even if I ultimately do have to deal with my brain alone, it’s comforting to know that there are others who share this level of complexity and divergence too.

Feel free to reach out if you are part of this tribe of "zebras".  There are more of us than you'd think.